Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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