yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
