wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
