But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
