i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
