i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
