I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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