why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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