I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
