Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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