our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
