Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
