Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
