Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
