My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
