I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
