Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
