Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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