how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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