I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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