On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
