New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
