the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
