So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
