Welp...herpes.
even my farts smell like vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
