i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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