My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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