She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
