I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
