I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
