Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
