When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I want is dick and wine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
