I CAN MOONWALK!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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