sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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