im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
