Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
