Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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