I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
