The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The adults are the big ones right?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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