We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
