he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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