I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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