Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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