Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
