I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
