I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
