Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
