Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
