My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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