I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
