Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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