I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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