I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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