why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
