Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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