coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize