you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My liver just had a heart attack.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
