am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
