I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
