Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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