Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
