i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
