For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
